28. NYC. Taurus. ENFJ. Gay. Black. J-Pop enthusiast. Wannabe foodie. Alcohol connoisseur. Extremely opinionated.

Last night was a disaster.

So, Ringleader invited me out for a night out with him, Shortfuse, and he invited a couple of other people I didn’t really know. He told me to meet him at v{iv}, so I arrived there at around 10:30, though we planned to meet at 10. Luckily, Ringleader was late too, so it worked out perfectly.

Italian Kimchi was working the night and Awkwardly Social was there as well (because the two are BFFs and always hanging out together these days - I want that kind of friendship. D:). I was chatting with them about my recent string of dates and we actually talked about the guys I actually meant to tell y’all about, but haven’t gotten around to (much like the last Toronto post I’ve been meaning to write). Awkwardly Social and Ringleader (when he arrived with Shortfuse) was supportive, but Italian Kimchi feels that the guy is bad news, so I dunno…

…but I did get some free drinks from Italian Kimchi, so that was a plus. :D

In any case, I think I was talking to Awkwardly Social about my irritation with my biggest dilemma lately: interracial dating (which as @joonstillhere pointed out, I’ve been talking about more than usual lately here)…and lo and behold, not only is he dating a white guy, but both Shortfuse and Ringleader brought white guys with them to hang out with us as well (Shortfuse’s white guy met up with us at the club we went to).

We said my farewells to Awkwardly Social, The Top Diva of K-Town (who had stopped in for a bit), and Italian Kimchi, and headed out towards the club.

Now, it’s ironic that I, a gay black guy, went into this club with two Asians and two white guys straight up fucking 5th wheeling at a club oriented towards gay black men. Even more ironic is having the two pairs making out in front of you and dancing up on each other most of the night while they try to make you have fun when you’re really feeling awkward and uncomfortable.

I mean, the night started out okay because both Shortfuse and Ringleader’s white guy bought me drinks and we were all chatting like everything was going okay, but then the dancing on each other and making out thing happened, so I quickly and embarrassingly excused myself, tripping over a table, and dipped without saying goodbye or them even noticing I left until I was already at the N train heading towards Union Square.

…and that led to this post.

So, here’s where my night got depressing and pitiful.

I had wanted IHOP, so I decided to head there alone. The hostess directed me to a four person table, telling me, “You’ve got the best waitress in the house.” I guess seeing me alone made her feel sorry for me.

The waitress was actually really nice and courteous because she saw that I was alone and I must’ve had the most pitiful look on my face as I sat there.

I had told her what I wanted to order. At first I just wanted a pancake platter with hashbrowns, bacon, and sausage, but I changed my mind to a country fried steak platter with all of that, but the manager gave me a hard time about the bacon with some lame excuse about bacon being expensive, so I just responded, “It’s fine. I don’t give a shit,” muttering the 2nd part under my breath as I’ve been doing this past week.

I almost debated getting a side of bacon and paying for it, but ultimately decided not to.

I cleaned my plates to completion and the waitress after a while arrived with the bill, telling me to take my time, but I noticed that my express bus was making its way down 5th Avenue and Broadway, so I paid for it immediately as she continued to look at me with pity as I told her, “I’m going home to Staten Island, so I don’t really have a lot of time.”

I gave her a 7 and change tip for being so kind to me (it works out to more than 20%) and I left, barely touching my orange juice.

I had started to listen to Hikki’s Sakura Nagashi and mix that with the fact that I was depressed and I had started crying hysterically. I got on the bus almost 2 or 3 minutes after I arrived at the stop near Union Square with tears still on my face and cried even harder when I sat down in the back of the bus.

I kept crying until I fell asleep on the bus. I woke up with enough time to get off the bus and walk the mile home. I had cried a bit less then, but was still rather depressed. With no one to talk to about it at 3 in the morning, I just listened to more depressing music until I got home and listened to even more depressing music until I called it a night.

I was too upset to put any of my stuff away, so I just went to bed.

…and here we are, this morning, feeling rather lightheaded from drinking cheap drinks so fast (am I hungover?) but with a strange emotion overwhelming me. I don’t know if I’m still down or just trying to assess my night last night, but…all I know is that last night was just not my night.

It just wasn’t.

alreadybeenbroughten replied to your post: See, my dilemma is this. If you make me a…

I said something relevant to this on Thursday: I feel like fifty percent of being an adult is pretending.

I’m not very good at it.

paradis-liberateur replied to your post: There are days where I wish I killed myself in…

you’ve made it this far. keep going. we’re all proud of you.

Thank you. You’re always sort of there when I least expect it. :)

joonstillhere replied to your post: There are days where I wish I killed myself in…

oh…i felt that way sometimes, but i always feel better in the morning.

I dunno what I’m feeling this morning but remorseful that I wrote that post.

eishcentrique replied to your post: There are days where I wish I killed myself in…

Because even though that ends your misery.. It continues and makes it worse for the ones you leave behind. :(

If you say so…

supersailorscorpio replied to your post: This is one of those nights where I dunno what to…

I’m in the same boat right now. I’ll drink till it feels better.

It didn’t.

joonstillhere replied to your post: This is one of those nights where I dunno what to…

oh no i made you sad!

You did nothing of the sort!





paparazzi would show up to a celebrity’s lesbian wedding and be like ‘so-and-so looked classically chic at elaborate friendship ceremony with long-time ‘gal pal’ so-and-so. the two reportedly shared a completely platonic kiss and vowed to be ‘best friends’ for life’

hearing the media talk about lesbians is like trying to watch the 4kids version of an anime


you called?




Full video to koda kumi’s latest single “Hotel”

I’m just gonna watch this later. :D


(via jerryandthelee)